plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
