I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
