i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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