Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When did angry sex become our thing?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
