she was so not down for the gang bang
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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