If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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