nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
