Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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