Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
