No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
