tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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