can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
