I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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