Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
