normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
