3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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