i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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