i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
