checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
