I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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