Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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