There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
