he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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