how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
