How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's shark week go big or go home
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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