I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize