Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
