True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
