Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
