I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
