When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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