It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize