Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
