you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
