Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
