I wanna passion pit in your ass
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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