There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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