the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
