the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
