I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
