I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
