Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
