So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
