Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
