and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
