I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
