I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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