If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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