I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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