1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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