Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I could make wine with my vomit
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
