Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
