did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Im part way to drunk.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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