This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
