my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
