i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
