i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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