I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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