I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
