i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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