so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
