we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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