you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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