First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
