the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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